Read Dancer with Cancer Part 1 here.
Who are you, when you are definitely not who you were, but can also no longer be who you are?
How much does the choice of profession weigh into who we are?
How do you figure out who you must become, when you’ve never been there, or done that, before?
I’ve been mulling over these questions for over 2 months now.
I was a dancer. Trying to create and perform as much as possible. I was someone whose body was my tool and instrument. I though I had good communication with my body. I see now I really didn’t listen that well. She was talking, but I wasn’t hearing it.
I am becoming someone who sees my body as a sacred gift.
My therapist says that I am a “whole new person”. I never thought of it like that, but it is really true. In the past 3 years, I have totally remade myself. Now, I am continuing that process.
It’s scary to think of being a new person. Mainly, because I don’t really like change or surprises. But honestly, we should all be in the process of becoming. Growing, learning. Adapting, evolving.
Much of my self-creation has been my choice, at my pace. This time, that is not the case. This is a forced change. I’ve realized is a necessary one; but, it certainly isn’t my choice. I think that’s where the anxiety comes from, a lack of control.
But, that really is just my perception. I have control of the choices I make. To lead to a new person. Who I am now is new. But I am still in the process of becoming. And, who I become is my choice.
I love to push myself. I love a challenge. A whole new person. I already am. But she’s not working out quite the way I planned. So, who shall I become?
The butterfly approaches the world, and life, very differently than the caterpillar.
We are all in the process of becoming. We can be grateful for who we are, where we are, and still want to be more. We cannot stay as we are, where we are, and be truly human. Every day, every experience is an opportunity to learn and grow. Take it, and be the new creature. Live a new life.